Grrr...relationships!

So, I feel kind of depressed. It's probably a mixture of things, such as stress and school and that kind of stuff. However, I think a lot of it has to do with relationships. I don't know, I guess winter sometimes makes me wish I were in a relationship. Of course, it doesn't help that practically everone I know is in a relationship. In fact, my bestfriend, who is two years younger than me, might be getting engaged soon. It also doesn't help the fact that so much of my music is about relationships.

I think every girl has a romantic side to them. I just keep mine under a think brick wall because I have been hurt so much from past crushes as well as disturbed and grossed out by stalkers. I kind of feel that no one would understand this if I tried to explain it. People are already trying to hook me up, even if it's in jest in a conversation. I don't know, I just can't deal with that relationship crap stuff right now.

I've thought aobut it, and I think the only guy I could go out with right now would be Jesus. He's the only one who would know what to say that wouldn't get me sick to my stomach because it reminds me of what a certain stalker said to me. So, I guess I'm going to be single for a whole lot longer. And, although I may wish to be in a relationship, I know it will be fine and I'll be happy because I'll end up with a guy who is worth the wait. Why should I worry about relationships when there is an awesome guy waiting (hopefully) for me eventually? Therefore, I'll just suck it up and get through yet another day.

But then again, these stupid thoughts keep reoccuring! Why does this have to happen to me? I want a relationship, but at the same time I don't. It would gross me out so much! I don't know, I guess the thought of that stalker keeps coming up a lot. I guess I just need to find someone who will be totally different then him. So yes, this is something I think about, it's a struggle, it's something I keep totally hidden. But it is still there.